I've always wanted to be more extroverted. The first time I took a personality test, I was appalled that I didn't have an ounce of yellow. I've tried making significant changes in my life to fix this, and I am proud to announce that I am now capable of making what I term "intentionally-spontaneous decisions." When the brink of decision arrives, instead of my usual process:
analyze each side thoroughly, then make a careful, conscious decision that will likely be most beneficial to myself and my future posterity,
analyze each side carefully (what? did you think I was going skip the analyzing part? anyone who knows me even remotely also must know this is entirely essential), and then make a rash, hasty choice based off some metric I (possibly incorrectly) assume would be most "yellow"
However, I recently listened to a Ted Talk entitled "The power of introverts" (there's my blog's obligatory techie-tack), and it got me to wonder: perhaps my point of view isn't always off-base. In fact, perhaps there are times when my non-extroverted way of viewing the world (the painfully analytical way) is actually better. So, as Susan Cain suggests, I'm going to open my suitcase today, just a little bit.
The topic is dating.
I've analyzed this one pretty well and have determined that the majority of the complaints lie against the guy. So let me offer a few arguments "for the other side."
Times are changing. People are changing. What was once optional is now a necessity, and what was once considered "cool" is now quite deadly. So we've got to adapt if we're going to survive. Unfortunately, there are some topics (like dating) that are poised in this weird, quasi-adapted environment, trying to cling to the past but march confidently forward to the tune of what's
There are many girls who would say (and some quite publicly so) that the "success" of a date rests entirely on the guy's shoulders. He's done the asking, so now it's his responsibility to "sell himself" to the girl. He needs to have a plan, a backup plan, and a bag of tricks up his sleeve with which to improvise in the all-to-frequently-occurring case when everything goes wrong. While I'll admit the guy does bear the majority of the onus for doing the date-asking, let me give you three scenarios where, in spite of all a guy might have done, the date went horribly wrong.
- Scenario 1: The world's worst volleyball date of 2009. She didn't want to be there. At all.
- Scenario 2: Boy picks up girl. Boy has a few suggestions for what to do. Girl says, "I'm fine with whatever." Boy decides to eat sushi. Girl is allergic to fish and doesn't say anything until she gets there, and just orders a side of edamame, the whole time dropping not-so-subtle hints about how she really enjoys chicken sandwiches. Whoops.
- Scenario 3: Boy asks girl what her plans are. "I'm free all night." Boy decides it would be fun to get ice cream after sushi. Girl gets in the car and tells boy she's got to be back by 9 because something came up. Boy realizes he can't even make it to sushi in time, so he panics, calls an audible, and goes to Burger King instead ("have it your way").
But that's not really realistic. So how does this differ for an introvert? What do I typically do? I overplan. I'll line up a million ideas of what to do and analyze exactly how each one of them is going to pan out. Unfortunately, what usually happens is I walk to her door (all cool, calm, and collected), and suddenly she fakes an asthma attack and all of my freshly-laid plans go flying out the window. I'm left in a stupor, consumed with one thought: "Oh my goodness gracious. How is it that the only thing I can think about right now is how I can't think about anything else except for the fact that I can't think of anything to do??"
So here's to change in dating. To properly embracing the future. And...to understanding introverts.
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| I'll be 26 in a month. Located at precisely 26 Nathan Road in Hong Kong, China is an Outback Steakhouse, attached to the "Far East Mansion." If this were MASH, I'd have definitely won. |
